Valentine’s Day is coming. Couples are in love, Instagram declarations are everywhere, and there is a collective certainty that love conquers all. But does it really?

Because if you have ever been in a relationship, you know that sometimes love does win, but only after three relationship talks, two “we need to talk” moments, and one argument about who gets to choose the movie.

With that in mind, we created something nobody asked for, but maybe everyone needs: a dating agreement template.

That’s right. Clauses. Agreements. Everything in writing. Because trust is beautiful, but a signed PDF has its charm too.

See the template below:

Dating Agreement Template

Boyfriend: Boyfriend’s Name, Boyfriend’s Nationality, Boyfriend’s Marital Status, Boyfriend’s Profession, holder of Brazilian individual taxpayer ID no. Boyfriend’s CPF and identity document no. Boyfriend’s ID, residing at Boyfriend’s Address.

Girlfriend: Girlfriend’s Name, Girlfriend’s Nationality, Girlfriend’s Marital Status, Girlfriend’s Profession, holder of Brazilian individual taxpayer ID no. Girlfriend’s CPF and identity document no. Girlfriend’s ID, residing at Girlfriend’s Address.

The parties enter into this dating agreement, which shall be governed by the clauses below.

Purpose of the agreement

Clause 1. The purpose of this agreement is the romantic relationship between the contracting parties, based on love and defined as “dating”.

Clause 2. The relationship covered by this agreement began on Relationship Start Date.

Clause 3. The contracting parties declare that they do not intend to start a family, enter into marriage, or live in a stable union.
Paragraph. If this situation changes in the future, it must be the subject of a new agreement, with the express and written consent of both parties.

Clause 4. The date of signature of this agreement is established as the start date of the relationship for anniversary and other celebration purposes.

Termination and dissolution of the agreement

Clause 5. In the event of factual separation between the parties for more than two months, this agreement shall be terminated regardless of notice.

Clause 6. In the event of termination, all obligations jointly assumed during the term of this agreement must be immediately dissolved by the party responsible for or holder of the obligation.

Clause 7. Any social media profile or service subscription plan jointly assumed during the term of the agreement must be dissolved after its termination.
Paragraph. The parties retain the right to agree on the maintenance or transfer of social media profiles or plans acquired jointly during the term of the agreement, exempting the other party from any responsibility for the profile or plan after termination.

Clause 8. In the case of joint use of accounts held solely by one of the contracting parties, termination of the agreement implies the immediate removal of access to the account and/or service.

Clause 9. Custody of pets acquired jointly during the term of the agreement must be decided by mutual agreement at the time of termination.

Clause 10. In the event of termination, any belongings in the possession of the other party must be returned through a neutral representative, at a neutral location chosen by mutual agreement, or directly at the owner’s residence.

Obligations

Clause 11. Dating anniversaries shall have the same importance and characteristics as national holidays for celebration purposes, requiring the exclusive dedication of both contracting parties.
Paragraph. The inability to attend a dating holiday must be notified in writing in advance, with at least ten days’ notice.

Clause 12. All affectionate nicknames used during the term of this agreement shall be for the exclusive use of the contracting parties and may not be used in future relationships or reused from past relationships.
First paragraph. The use of common names such as “love” and “darling” is authorized.
Second paragraph. The use of adjectives such as “sweetie”, “honey bun”, and derivatives is expressly prohibited, as are any other variations of these terms.

Clause 13. Any comment about the Girlfriend’s weight or measurements that may be interpreted negatively, pejoratively, or even minimally unfavorably must be duly considered and preceded by an express declaration from an ethics committee appointed ad hoc to deliberate on the matter, formed at least by an absolute majority of female members.

Clause 14. Any mention of the Boyfriend’s sexual organ must, without exception, be made using an augmentative form.
First paragraph. Comparisons involving the Boyfriend’s sexual organ must always be made with objects described in augmentative terms and of notable scale.
Second paragraph. The Girlfriend is expressly prohibited from comparing the length of the Boyfriend’s sexual organ with any object smaller than twice the square root of its length, as measured by an official medical board.

Clause 15. Any comment involving the couple’s sexual relations that implies, expressly or implicitly, their duration must have said duration multiplied by ten.

Clause 16. The Girlfriend retains the right to use no less than three quarters of the available storage space for products in bathrooms and other common areas intended for hygiene or clothing products.

Clause 17. In the event of health issues, the healthy party shall be responsible for accompanying and feeding the ill party.
Paragraph. In the specific case of flu or colds, the healthy party must provide portions of chicken soup at least once during the illness.

Clause 18. In the event of a deadlock involving places to eat, it shall be resolved by mentioning all situations in which each party refused to eat at a specific place, or by listing all places where each party does not like to eat.
First paragraph. If the measure provided for in the main section of this clause does not resolve the conflict, the procedure must be repeated until the parties reach an agreement or collapse from hunger.
Second paragraph. If the parties collapse from hunger due to the deadlock and pass away, custody of the pets shall be the responsibility of the first-degree relative who shows the greatest affection for them.

Clause 19. The Girlfriend shall have the casting vote in any deadlock involving appearance, decoration, personal hygiene, and interpersonal relationships outside the relationship.

Clause 20. In the event of a conflict involving the actions of the contracting parties, the dispute must be resolved by citing similar situations in which each party behaved inappropriately.
First paragraph. In the absence of similar situations, reference to situations unrelated to the subject of the dispute is authorized, provided they are characterized by inappropriate behavior by the other party.

Clause 21. Either party is expressly prohibited from watching, alone, episodes of a series started together by the couple.
First paragraph. Breach of this clause shall be considered a serious breach of emotional and audiovisual trust.
Second paragraph. The infringing party must rewatch the episode with the harmed party, pretending to be surprised, emotional, and completely unaware of the events.
Third paragraph. If the infringing party reveals spoilers, even accidentally, they shall be required to give the harmed party the right to choose the next series.

Term and duration

Clause 22. This agreement shall remain in force for an indefinite period, as long as the relationship and the parties’ interest in remaining together continue.

Jurisdiction

Clause 23. For the resolution of any disputes arising from this agreement, the courts of Jurisdiction City, Jurisdiction State, are elected.

So, do you want to send it for signature?

If this little joke inspires you to get to know Autentique, we’ll be more than happy. We promise that when it comes to real contracts, we take things very seriously ;)